A Day in the Mind of Courtney

  The world feels different to me than it does to most people. I’ve always felt that way. Objects have feelings, silence can scream, and things other people overlook stand out to me. As a kid, I believed everything had emotions. I couldn’t leave a single stuffed animal out of bed because I didn’t want them to feel forgotten. Now, I catch myself apologizing to old appliances when it’s time to replace them. I know they’re not alive, but I can’t help it. They worked so hard—they didn’t deserve to be tossed aside. Growing up, I tried to hide the things that made me different. I stopped stimming in front of people, stuffed my feelings down, and tried to blend in. I didn’t want to be noticed. I didn’t want anyone to see the parts of me that didn’t fit. But now, I’m trying to let myself be—to unmask, even if it’s messy. It’s not easy, and I don’t always get it right. Some days, I want to crawl back into my shell and disappear. But then there are moments—like when my son Carson reminds me ...

 Phew, I really had to take a step back there for awhile, I was living life and loving my kids. It was amazing, we have been having movie nights, and tickle fights, and we even made a "human claw machine." So basically, I took a step back from this, to love that.  I felt like I was being swallowed whole, caring about the amount of blog views I get in a day (now I check like, maybe every three days, IF I remember.) I was taking off a mask, and then proceeding to hide my face from the world. Ironic, isn't it?  So since I've been gone, I've really soaked up my kids, I cautiously got out of the house a few times, and spent time around actual people and I didn't panic or anything, I've gone on a few Target runs. and I survived. I think I'm going to be okay. The fear is still there but I've always been one to roll with the punches. And I've taken my fair share of them.  It may just be like this now, I update as I see fit. I love and appreciate all of...