The Stripes I Hide, The Life I Love

I’m not all that great,

Many times I’ve met my fate.

I’ve been labeled “disabled.”

I’d face the world, if only I was able.

I try to be normal, I try to fit in,

But normal doesn’t fit—

It never feels like a win.

My body feels strange,

My chest gets tight,

My head and heart are always in a fight.

I’ve learned to hide my stripes,

Painting them black and white.

I live in fear of scaring you away—

So many I’ve loved have left anyway.

I’m stuck in this strange headspace,

Suddenly feeling like I’m out of place.

Exiled, cut off, like I don’t belong,

Living in plain sight, yet feeling so wrong.

I’m caught on a spectrum, all by myself.

No one relates—I can’t share the wealth.

It’s like a radio frequency no one hears,

Drowning, gasping, lost in my fears.

I pray no one speaks my name,

Screaming inside, “Don’t look my way.”

I want to be near, but I live life in fear—

So I’ll keep my distance and swallow my tears.

I was raised to believe I was broken a tad,

And maybe that’s why I’ve gone a bit mad.

Spinning in circles while the world stands still,

Dreaming of the days before I was ill.

Sometimes I wish I could let go,

Escape the shame I know so well.

Maybe they’d forget my name,

And I could finally be free from this hell.

Society turned its back on me,

I feel like a burden where I once felt free.

I mourn the girl I used to be,

Before the world stole so much from me.

I lost who I was, piece by piece,

Starting with the night that stole my peace.

Innocence taken, never returned,

The colors faded, the lessons learned.

Forced to grow up, I put down my dolls,

I cried in the night, but no one heard my calls.

I remember it all—the places I’ve been,

Even though I feel like I’m outside looking in.

Life has been cruel, it’s broken my heart,

I’ve lost those I love—of course, I took part.

I pushed some away, and some walked alone,

But even in loss, I found my backbone.

The world keeps spinning as I toss and turn,

The bridges I’ve crossed, the ones I’ve burned.

I’ve paid the price, I’ve faced the cost,

But for once in my life, the mask is off.

Let me tell you about life through my eyes,

The pain and the stars that light up my skies.

I’ll tell you about the place I am free,

The place I can be unapologetically me.

My husband supports me, he lets me unmask.

He takes all that I am, I don’t have to ask.

He fills my gaps, he makes me whole,

For the first time ever, I can bare my soul.

Then there’s my boy, so gentle, so rare—

If he chooses you, handle his heart with care.

He’s unique, truly one of a kind,

I wish I could spend just one day in his mind.

And my girl, my wild little fire,

She’s fierce but sweet, sure to inspire.

She’s a burst of sunshine, radiant and bright,

She fills our days with complete delight.

Life on the inside? It’s messy but sweet.

We snuggle too much and eat candy for treats.

But we’re safe, we’re loved, we belong in this space—

Our wild little family, our rowdy place.

We love hard, we fight fair,

We respect each other; we really care.

I’d never trade this life for another.

There is crayon all over the walls,

And there is laughter filling the halls.

Life isn’t perfect, and that’s okay—

I have all I need at the end of the day.