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Pilot

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 Hi! I’m Courtney, and this is where I’ll share what’s on my mind and in my heart. A little backstory: I grew up with two learning disabilities and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Even more recently, I found out I’m autistic (autism level 1). My life has been full of challenges, struggling with things most people don’t even think twice about—social interactions, math, measurements, reading clocks, telling left from right, and so much more. I have two kids, my sun and my moon, who get me up every day—literally and figuratively. They’re my motivation. And I can’t forget my husband; he’s pretty incredible and an amazing father, too. I’m really lucky to have them all in my life. This blog will probably be as random as my mind is. It might not always make sense, and it could be hard to follow at times, but that’s me—complicated and a little all over the place. I’m excited to get started and share more. I write poems, too, so expect to see some of those here as well. That’s all for now...
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Agoraphobia

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 I’ve been scared to leave my house lately. Sure, I have “safe spots”—my sister’s house, Jason and Grace’s place—but the only place I truly feel at ease is home. When I venture out, my heart races, and I become hyper-vigilant. My inner voice starts whispering worst-case scenarios. I’ll be looking at bananas, and suddenly I’m convinced that a man nearby is a threat, thinking, “He has a gun,” or “He’s going to hurt me.” I know it’s irrational, but my nervous system doesn’t care; it’s in fight-or-flight mode. I remind myself that I’m safe, that it’s all in my head, and that I can face challenges. But my body doesn’t listen. I’m always on guard, struggling to concentrate. Shopping becomes a battle—I’m more focused on scanning for “danger” than on the items in my cart. I can recite the quickest route to the exit without even thinking. Home is my refuge, but that comfort comes with a cost. I miss going out to eat with my family, those spontaneous trips to Target, and the laughter of fami...
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