My Superpower

 People think of autistic people as lacking empathy. It’s a stereotype I’ve heard my whole life, and every time, it stings. For some of us, it’s the exact opposite. Some of us don’t lack empathy; we have too much of it. It’s called hyper-empathy, and it means feeling everything; sometimes to the point of exhaustion.

As a child, I slept with all of my stuffed animals, not because I needed them, or even wanted to, to be honest, they took up WAY too much of my space, but because I couldn’t stand the thought of any of them feeling left out. I imagined their tiny stuffed hearts breaking if I chose one over the others, so I made room for all of them. That kind of empathy never went away, it only grew. Now, I don’t just understand emotions, I ABSORB them. I feel other people’s sadness like it’s mine, even if they don’t say a word.

It’s not just emotions. I can’t bear the thought of physical pain either. If someone starts talking about broken bones, car accidents, or injuries, I have to cover my ears and walk away. It makes me physically ill, like nails on a chalkboard times ten. Even imagining it gets to me. I feel it in my body, like the pain is trying to become my pain.

I’ve spent my life being told I was too sensitive, that I shouldn’t take things so personally. But how do you explain to people that you don’t just witness pain; you experience it? That the sadness of a stranger, the distress of a friend, even the thought of something suffering can leave you feeling emotionally wrecked?

Hyper-empathy is a strange thing. It means I can sense shifts in moods before a word is even spoken. It means I cry at commercials, at songs, at the weight of the world. It means I care deeply, even when I don’t want to.

It’s exhausting.

But it also means I love deeply. I notice things that others don’t. I connect, I understand, I see feelings; my own and everyone else’s.

I used to think I was broken. Now, I know I’m not. I just feel the world in a way most people don’t.

And that’s not something to fix.

It’s kind of like a super power.