Brendon

 I used to have a best friend named Brendon. We met in 6th grade. He was my rock, there when everything was falling apart. When I moved to Dillsburg, he was there for me when my mom died, too. We spent so many hours just sitting in his car, listening to music we both loved. Sometimes we’d talk, but most of the time, we’d just chain smoke and enjoy each other’s company.

Brendon kept me grounded. He stopped me from doing reckless things and always knew what to say when my heart was breaking. I remember those times we’d get bouncy balls and stand on either side of the parking lot, bouncing them to each other. It was terrifying, but we loved it.

I loved him a lot. I really did. He was there through all my heartaches, always saying the right things to make me feel better. He used to make fat jokes about me, but that stopped the day I actually got fat.

Then one day, he just disappeared. No goodbye, no explanation. He never met my kids, never checked in. I deleted his number because I didn’t want to reach out, but Calvin still has it in case I ever need it.

I did reach out one time with a picture of Carson. We had some small talk, but never talked again and that conversation just made my heart hurt more.

Brendon was the first boy who truly shattered my heart. I know he must have had his reasons, but I never found out why he left. I miss him so much and still think about him often.

P.s. I have many pictures of Brendon but it felt appropriate to use the blurry picture, because I feel like that’s what he is now, a blur.