All the Love You Deserved

Dear Younger Me,

I know you feel out of place right now, like you don’t quite fit into this world. You spend so much time trying to blend in, to hide the parts of you that you think are “too different.” But I wish I could sit beside you, and tell you that it’s okay to be different. One day, you’ll see that those quirks, those “odd” things you keep hidden, are not flaws—they’re pieces of what make you, you.

I know you’re scared that people won’t accept you if they see the real you. You spend so much time trying to be what you think others want to see. But one day, you’ll find that it’s more exhausting to hide than to simply be you. You’ll meet people—real, kind people—who won’t make you feel like you need to mask. They’ll remind you that your true self is worth showing, and their love won’t be dependent on how well you fit in. It will be freeing, even if it takes time to believe it.

I know you feel abandoned sometimes. You’ll carry that hurt with you for a long time, through those moments when it feels like you’re facing everything alone. And I wish I could prepare you for the day when she won’t come back, when you’ll have to learn how to keep going without her. It will be harder than you can imagine, and you’ll spend years searching for closure that never comes.

I know you’ll replay that night over and over, wishing it had gone differently, feeling like there was more you should have done or said. But, please believe me, you did everything you could with the time you had. It’s okay to feel the ache of what was left unsaid, but don’t forget the love that existed in the little moments between the not so good moments.

It’s going to be messy, grief will be a companion that never fully leaves your side. But it’s okay to hold onto those memories, even the hard ones. And it’s okay to let go of the guilt that comes with them. You’ll eventually find ways to hold both the love and the loss, even though it never truly balances out.

And that loneliness you feel, when it seems like no one else understands? It won’t always be this heavy. You’ll learn that there are others like you—people who think, feel, and experience the world in ways that make sense to you. You’ll find your own way to connect, even when it’s not in the typical ways people expect.

I also know you carry guilt when you need help, like you should always be able to manage things on your own. I wish you could see that asking for help doesn’t make you weak; it makes you brave. It means you’re allowing others to care for you in a way you’ve always been so eager to care for them.

It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to love yourself a little bit more. It’s okay to let go of the need to be perfect—because you never needed to be. You are enough, just as you are.

One day, you’ll understand that you were never the problem, and that the world is more beautiful with you in it.

With all the love and understanding you deserved back then,

Love,

Your Future Self