Before I Sink



“I just want to be alive while I’m here.”

I heard that quote in a song today. It made me feel the feelings. I feel like I’m living but I’m not alive. I barely leave my house, I don't really have many friends or even people in my life that I truly feel like I connect with (besides Calvin). 

I feel like an astronaut floating in outer space watching the world from far away, and it’s not slowing down, it’s not waiting for me. I feel so far away. I feel people I love slipping away, and there's nothing I can do about it. 

I need to overcome this. I need to live again. I need to go out to breakfast and be able to relax instead of watching the door the entire time, I need to stop counting cars in parking lots, I need to stop avoiding functions, AND people, I need to stop avoiding life, and start embracing it. 

It’s going to be scary as hell, but I’m done being alive. I’m ready to live. I’m just going to hold my breath and hope for the best. And if I fall, I know Calvin will be there to help me back up. 


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