Pocket Full of Sunshine



Today is Camila Rae’s birthday, it’s bittersweet knowing I’ll never have a four-year-old again. Camila is like a pocket full of sunshine—no matter how bad your day is, reaching into that pocket brings instant happiness and warmth.


Her laughter is contagious, and her smile can light up even the darkest days. She has a way of turning the ordinary into something magical, like making a simple walk feel like a grand adventure. Watching her grow is such a joy, but there’s also a hint of sadness, knowing these days—filled with her endless wonder and the sweet way she says, “Mommy, you’re my girl”—are slipping away too quickly.


So today, I’m holding onto these moments a little tighter. We’ll play kitty family, jump on the leaves a few extra times during our walk, talk to the cows, and snuggle more than usual. These moments might be fleeting, but today, we’ll try to stretch them out as long as we can—cherishing every laugh, every hug, and every bit of that beautiful sunshine she brings everywhere she goes.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pilot

Image
 Hi! I’m Courtney, and this is where I’ll share what’s on my mind and in my heart. A little backstory: I grew up with two learning disabilities and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Even more recently, I found out I’m autistic (autism level 1). My life has been full of challenges, struggling with things most people don’t even think twice about—social interactions, math, measurements, reading clocks, telling left from right, and so much more. I have two kids, my sun and my moon, who get me up every day—literally and figuratively. They’re my motivation. And I can’t forget my husband; he’s pretty incredible and an amazing father, too. I’m really lucky to have them all in my life. This blog will probably be as random as my mind is. It might not always make sense, and it could be hard to follow at times, but that’s me—complicated and a little all over the place. I’m excited to get started and share more. I write poems, too, so expect to see some of those here as well. That’s all for now...
Read more

Agoraphobia

Image
 I’ve been scared to leave my house lately. Sure, I have “safe spots”—my sister’s house, Jason and Grace’s place—but the only place I truly feel at ease is home. When I venture out, my heart races, and I become hyper-vigilant. My inner voice starts whispering worst-case scenarios. I’ll be looking at bananas, and suddenly I’m convinced that a man nearby is a threat, thinking, “He has a gun,” or “He’s going to hurt me.” I know it’s irrational, but my nervous system doesn’t care; it’s in fight-or-flight mode. I remind myself that I’m safe, that it’s all in my head, and that I can face challenges. But my body doesn’t listen. I’m always on guard, struggling to concentrate. Shopping becomes a battle—I’m more focused on scanning for “danger” than on the items in my cart. I can recite the quickest route to the exit without even thinking. Home is my refuge, but that comfort comes with a cost. I miss going out to eat with my family, those spontaneous trips to Target, and the laughter of fami...
Read more

Glimmers

Image
 They say there are these things that are the opposite of a trigger, called glimmers. When you experience a glimmer you feel complete joy. I’ve come to recognize my triggers for sure. Certain people, places, sounds, even smells. But lately I’m looking for glimmers.  Some glimmers I’ve had lately are: - when my kids say they love me. - when Calvin hugs me, really tightly and literally says I love you with his body. - when something fits just right in my hands. - when Luna & Erra cuddle me. - when the kids are in bed, and it’s just me and Calvin and we are talking about our day, no phones, no distractions. - when I’m folding laundry and I smell the laundry detergent. - when I rub my scarf. - when dinner is really good.  - when I feel heard and seen.  - when someone reaches out JUST to let me know they are thinking about me. -when someone has really nice elbows. - when I found out I had autism. This is a weird one I know, but it was such a relief...
Read more